she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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