You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
