Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
