You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
