i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
