my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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