I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
