He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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