I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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