I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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