all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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