I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize