We're facebook friends in real life
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
