What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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