Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
