So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
