I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
