I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
