well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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