Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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