so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
