so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
