So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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