Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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