It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
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Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm really busy with my period
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