U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
