see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
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In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
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I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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