How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i think my mom watched the whole time
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
