i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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