I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
