Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
