umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
