but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
