How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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