She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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