I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
