I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
