Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
