you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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