What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
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She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
There's even glitter on my cock...
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