On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
the liver wants what the liver wants
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
