Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
