I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
