When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
