Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
