dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
