i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
