She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
