No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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