The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
