Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
