So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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