We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
