i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
