Whod you bang
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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