So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I looked at my own cervix.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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