Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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